As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
