dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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