plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
