Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hippo gnu deer
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
