Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
