There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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