If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
