Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
