Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
