i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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