I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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