I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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