Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
