you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
