i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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