My balls are so social today.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
