sarcasm needs its own font
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
