That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
