I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
