On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
