U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
