Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
