why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
