Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
