That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
