Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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