There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
