Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
