im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
