And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
