Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
