So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
