He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
