dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
