unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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