this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
