Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
