I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
