Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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