my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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