dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
