her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I did not marry a roomba.
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