Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Barsexuality is the new black.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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