Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
