all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
