dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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