I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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