wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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