I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
