I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
