That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
