so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
