Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
