i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
