I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
