I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
