he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
