Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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