shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my liver is dry heaving
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
