we're blogging at a bar
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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